Love Doesn't Have To Hurt
by navycorpsman
Summary: Ray and Neela talk. Really bad summary, I know!
1. Love Doesn't Have To Hurt

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, cos if I did, I'd have Ray and Neela together already!  
**

** The song is "LOVE DOESN'T HAVE TO HURT" by Atomic Kitten**

**Spoilers: Not that I'm aware of. Well, except for her 'dating' Gates, which I think we all know happens in S13!****  
**

** Content Warning: None…right now…****  
**

**Summary: Ray and Neela talk. Bad summary, I know!**

** This is a start of what I hope to be a good fic…the songs go…but just be awares you may not see the connection right off…but I PROMISE they go! Not all songs will be Atomic Kitten, but they are currently my muses.  
**

* * *

_**I learned a lesson in my life**_

_**But I did it the hard way**_

_**I don't know why I used to fall in love**_

_**With the wrong kind**_

Neela looked at Lake Michigan. The summer wind blew warm and she was thankful for this break from the chaos in the ER. She had, over the months, come to some sort of terms with the death of Michael in Iraq, but she had yet to come to any sort of terms about Ray not being around as much as she wanted.

She had started dating Tony, but she felt, rather _knew_, that something was wrong. Tony could be a nice guy, but he was so infuriating at times. Always joking, calling her 'MayDay' for whatever reason he felt he should.

_**But I'd suffer so much pain**_

_**But I only had myself to blame**_

_**Baby you came in break of time**_

She wiped a tear away. She didn't know why she was crying, until she realised someone was standing behind her. She didn't need to turn around to know who it was. She wiped a tear away. "Something wrong, Ray?"

_**To show me love doesn't have to hurt**_

_**To feel good**_

_**It's such a revelation**_

_**With you I can be myself and always should**_

_**Don't have to cry**_

Ray laughed. He was always amazed that she could tell it was him behind her. "Not with me, no." He stood next to her. "What's up with you, Neela? I thought you were happy with where your life is. You got the residency and Gates and…"

She looked at him. "I am happy."

_**Don't have to fight**_

_**Don't have to die**_

_**Not after night**_

_**To show me love doesn't have to hurt**_

_**To feel good**_

Ray looked deeply in her eyes. "Sure, you're happy. You always cry when you're happy."

She stood up straight. "You think you know me so well, don't you?" She snapped.

Ray smirked. "It's not a matter of thinking, Neela."

_**Darling now it seems to be**_

_**Like I've always known you**_

_**But I still should've when I think back**_

_**On the lonely times**_

She rolled her eyes and then stared back at the soft waves of the lake in front of them. "Things are where I want them to be. I'm very happy with Gates."

"Then why don't your eyes say that?"

_**I used to keep all my feelings aside**_

_**From your eyes I nothing to hide**_

_**Baby you came in the break of time**_

Neela looked back at Ray. "My eyes?"

"Yeah. Your eyes. They show you're not as happy as you're trying to convince yourself."

"I still haven't come to terms with Michael, if you must know." This time it was Ray that rolled his eyes. "What? You don't think that…"

"It's not a matter of if you've grieved or not. You lost a part of you, but…" Ray's voice trailed off.

"What?" Neela demanded. "Did I love him?" She knew his silence meant that was the question he was going to ask her. "Yes, I did love him."

_**Lying here beside you**_

_**Feels so fine**_

_**Talking about everything in this heart of mime**_

"No one is doubting your love for Michael, Neela." Ray hated that she could read into his silence.

"Then what is it, Ray?" Neela's voice stayed sharp.

"The question is how much."

_**To show me love doesn't have to hurt**_

_**To feel good**_

_**It's such a revelation**_

_**To show me love doesn't have to hurt**_

_**To feel good**_

"I married him, Ray." Neela snapped.

"So? Doesn't mean you loved him." Ray stood up and put his hands in his lab coat's pockets.

"How could I marry someone that I didn't love?" Neela was flabbergasted.

Ray looked at her. "It's possible." He leaned back against the railing. "You love Gates?" This time Neela had no reply and Ray knew her silence meant she didn't.

* * *

**I know that this is short. Hope you enjoyed this. Should I go on?  
**


	2. Cradle

**Disclaimer: I don't own any of the characters, cos if I did, I'd have Ray and Neela together already!  
**

** The song is "CRADLE" by Atomic Kitten**

**Spoilers: Not that I'm aware of. Well, except for her 'dating' Gates, which I think we all know happens in S13!****  
**

** Content Warning: None…right now…****  
**

**Summary: Ray and Neela continue to talk. Bad summary, I know!**

** This is a start of what I hope to be a good fic…the songs go…but just be awares you may not see the connection right off…but I PROMISE they go! Not all songs will be Atomic Kitten, but they are currently my muses.  
**

* * *

"Does it matter, Ray?" Neela couldn't think of an answer. She knew she didn't love Gates, but she wasn't going to admit it to Ray. Ray, she felt, shouldn't concern himself with her affairs. 

"What if I said it did?" Ray sighed.

"Why, though, Ray?" Neela sighed back.

Ray looked at her. _She's completely clueless._

_**I will rock you like a baby**_

_**Love will cradle in my arms**_

_**I'll keep you safe from danger**_

_**Shelter you from harm**_

Neela looked at him. "Ray?"

"Look, Neela, no matter what I say, you're…" He sighed even deeper as he leaned his back against the railing and looked at her. "You're…you're worth more than Gates or…You deserve someone who'll be there for you and…" He looked at her. "Forget it."

_**There will never be another**_

_**That treats you like I do**_

_**We can drift into forever**_

_**On a love that's made for two**_

"Right. The whole 'make Neela see what a mistake she is making' routine. I get it, Ray."

_**Don't you ever say this love's not special**_

_**Don't you ever think it's not essential**_

_**Baby...**_

"I don't think you do, Neela." Ray sighed. He stood up straight and headed to the door. "If you got it, you wouldn't have married Michael in the first place." He looked at her. "But that's just you. Doing what's safe because it's what everyone expects from you."

"You don't know me, Ray."

"Don't I?" He flet they were going back to an earlier argument in this discussion.

_**I was only thinking of you**_

_**Hoping you were thinking of me**_

_**Two hearts beating just like one**_

_**Against the world**_

_**I am always dreaming of you**_

_**Hoping you are dreaming of me**_

"No." Neela angrily snapped. "You don't know me…"

"You hate horror movies yet you'll watch them as long as there's someone sitting beside you for you to bury your face in. You love _Celebrity Poker_. You like your tea with two sugars and enough milk to drain a cow." He took a breath and faced her again. "You're afraid to show emotion and any time things go against the plans you laid out for yourself, you run. How long before you run from Tony the way you ran from me?"

_**I could never live one day without your love**_

_**I will kiss you like an angel, baby**_

_**Cradled in my wings**_

Neela stood, shocked. "I didn't run from you, Ray. I ran towards Michael."

"Who was so glad to have you run to him. So much so that he went back to war." Ray thought he said quietly, but when he looked up at Neela again, he saw the anger in her eyes. "You can't tell me that's…"

"That's not what happened." Neela's eyes filled with tears. "He…he…"

Ray walked over to her and wrapped his arms around her. "I'm sorry."

_**I will take you up to heaven**_

_**Show you precious things**_

_**If you promise that you love me**_

_**If you promise that you care**_

_**I will be here always and forever**_

_**This I swear**_

Neela cried into Ray's shirt. "He felt he had to."

"I know. His duty to his country, which I admire, but don't you think that he should have loved you enough to not go back? I mean, it wasn't like he _had_ to go back, right?" Ray felt his foot going deeper in his throat.

_**Don't you ever say this love's not special**_

_**Don't you ever think it's not essential**_

_**Baby...**_

He softly stroked her hair as she continued to cry. Ray was the only person who she dared to let see this side of her. Her emotions were, she felt, as controllable as everything else. Yet, at this moment, she felt out of control, and yet, she felt comforted. She stood back and looked at him. She wiped a few stray tears. "No, he didn't _have_ to go back. He just got back and when we visited one of his Army buddies in the VA, he told me he felt he owed it to the guys to go back." She turned and faced the ocean again.

Ray only looked at her. He couldn't understand why anyone would _choose_ to leave such an angelic creature behind for the demons of war. Even for him, these past months of her pushing him away, proved hard. She dominated his every thought, interrupting in the most inopportune moments. She had him; his heart; his love, but she didn't know it.

_**I was only thinking of you**_

_**Hoping you were thinking of me**_

_**Two hearts beating just like one**_

_**Against the world**_

_**I am always dreaming of you**_

_**Hoping you were dreaming of me**_

_**I could never live one day without your love**_

"Neela?" He softly approached her.

"I know, Ray. I shouldn't blame myself, but I keep thinking if I only said something more. Something that would have kept him home…"

"Would that have made a difference?"

_**Now you say you wanna love**_

_**But, you don't think you believe it**_

_**Just open up your heart**_

"What do you mean? Of course it would have. We would have been able to get to know each other."

"Yeah, because you knew each other so well when you got married." Ray scoffed.

"And what would you know of it?" Neela angrily snapped.

"You shouldn't have to 'get to know' someone during your marriage. You should already have an idea of who they are and what makes them tick. You had as much of an idea as to what made Gallant Gallant anymore than he had an idea of what made you you."

_**And you know you will receive it**_

_**Oh baby...**_

Neela stared hard at Ray. "What do you know of him?"

Ray shrugged. "Nothing."

"Exactly."

_**Don't you ever say this love's not special, no**_

_**Don't you ever think it's not essential**_

"But I do know what love is, Neela." Ray shot back.

* * *

**I know that this is short. Hope you enjoyed this. Should I go on?  
**


End file.
